Adventures in Life: Our Journey to Parenthood (part 1)

I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who has left such sweet comments about our little Rebekah! (I have not had time to respond to them all, but I do read and appreciate each comment!) 

(Daniel's sister Wendy took this picture when Rebekah was just 5 days old!)

I have had it on my heart for some time to share with you the journey God has taken us on over the past few years as it pertains to growing our family. It is something that we have kept off of the blog because parts of it are painful and difficult to share. Actually, a lot of this story is painful and difficult. But through all of the heartache and trials, God's love, mercy, and goodness have been revealed to us over and over again.

So, let's start at the beginning...

In April 2012 (yes, the same spring we started our massive Operation: Finish Basement project) Daniel and I decided that we felt ready to grow our family. We did not really have a specific time line in mind. We knew some couples that had tried and waited for years to get pregnant. We also knew some couples that it seemed like all they had to do was look at each other and, BAM, they were pregnant. 

We were not really in a rush, just trusting in God's perfect timing for our family. 

That sentence was pretty easy to say and believe for the first few months. It was almost exciting when someone would ask me "So when are you two going to start having kids?", because it felt like it could happen at any moment. But the months past, one by one, and every month it was a little harder to hide the disappointment. Every month it was a little bit harder to trust in God's plan for our family. 

At the end of October 2012, we got the best test results of our lives! We were pregnant, and so thrilled. We decided to let the news be a Christmas present to our families and waited with great excitement to tell them. Like giddy, first time expecting parents we were reading everything we could get our hands on, making lists of names and things we would need. Christmas 2012 was a lovely, joy filled season. I am so thankful that God let us enjoy that time with our families. Excited, care free, and joyful. Looking back, I can see that God's timing was (and always is) perfect. 

The first few days of 2013 were some of the hardest days of our lives...

New Year's Day 2013 is when the cramping began. Nothing horrible, and I figured the pain was just from the growing baby or maybe gas (sorry, TMI!). But at work on January 2nd, I knew something was not right. My symptoms got worse, and I knew that I needed to see my midwife. I drove home from work, unsuccessful at holding back tears as I called her and she immediately scheduled an ultrasound for that evening. I spent the few hours before the appointment praying, begging God to let everything be okay with the baby we had been waiting so long for. 

That evening Daniel and I drove to the hospital, and got confirmation of what our midwife had suspected. Our first pregnancy was ending with a miscarriage. The ultrasound showed our perfect little angel, but there was no heartbeat or brain activity. After carrying that little one for 11 weeks, God had decided to bring him or her home to Heaven. We were no longer pregnant.

Physically, my body did exactly what God designed it to do in this situation. We are so thankful that I did not have to endure any extra medical procedures. Looking back, this was a huge blessing! And by January 3rd, 2013, I was no longer carrying our little baby and my body was on its way back to being 'normal'.

But emotionally...

We were crushed. We were hurt, confused, angry, sad... There are so many emotions that you go through when you have a miscarriage. Human nature looks for someone or something to blame. But the truth is, there was no one to blame. It wasn't anything we did or didn't do. We were given a gift for a while, but it was not apart of God's plan for us to keep that gift. It took me a long time to accept that truth. I was angry that God would let this happen to us. Were we being punished for something? My heart ached every time I heard of another couple who was pregnant. Why did they get to have a baby and we did not? Didn't God think we would make good parents? 

A verse that we have both had memorized for years took on a new meaning. 

We did not understand why this was happening to us, but we knew that we could trust in the Lord. The spring of 2013 was a time of trial and growth. It was frustrating to feel like we had to start over. But we chose to trust that God's plan was better than our own plan. We were learning to surrender our lives and plans to Him. Realizing that we have absolutely no control over this situation. Trusting that God would provide a way to fulfill our heat's desire to be parents.  

To read part two of our journey click HERE
and 
to read part three of our journey click HERE